round leaning mirror with white frame
Photo by Emre Can on Pexels.com

Causing damage to the man in the mirror with a glass jaw
Bloody knuckles shadow boxing picking apart every last flaw
Wearing a long sleeve to cover the broken heart on my arm
To not signal an alarm with evidence of self harm
Finally in control providing a reason why
Only people that can stop me is myself and I
Without suicidal intention I’m not trying to die
But need to feel something if only a temporary high
My body is committing a mutiny
When there’s no abuse one can do to me that I……wouldn’t do to me
One becomes unaffected by scrutiny
This may seem hardcore
No longer can take it anymore
Deep down there is a war and I don’t know which side I’m fighting for
Instead of learning a healthier method to cope
Greif makes you want to hang your self whenever handed a rope
A rush of adrenaline the first time I pinched a nerve
Taking out on my flesh the punishment I deserve
My own worse enemy that lives in my inner me
Blowing all of this negative energy on this guy I pretend to be
Bottling my emotions each scar is a cry for help
A release to obtain peace I can’t save me from myself
Even if not the solution it’s the perfect distraction
Dangerously relying on this course of action
I don’t want to tell anyone what I’m going through
Very illicit doing something you know your not supposed to do
A silent victory when bleeding
Providing just what I’m needing
My inner demons screaming
Addicted to pain and I’m feinding
Stress releiving providing a reason for breathing
An oasis compared to the cold world I’m leaving
Conceding to voices of self doubt aching on purpose
Displaying the evilest intentions on the surface
Burying depression resulting in abundance of aggression
Serves as a constant reminder of long standing oppression
I have to keep going under suffering in silence
This is just for me, mood altering violence

-Caleb Harris